Saturday, July 7, 2007

The Shy Girl's Guide to Satisfaction (in Bed)

In case you had any doubt that taking charge can improve your sex life, now there's proof: For women, being less passive in bed is associated with increased sexual satisfaction and a better ability to reach the big O, says a recent study in the journal Personal Relationships.

Too shy to bust out in the bedroom? Sex expert Emma Taylor (a.k.a. Em), coauthor (with Lorelei Sharkey, a.k.a. Lo) of Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped, offers these tips for bashful babes:

1. Change the context.
Some women are nervous to ask for what they want during sex because they feel it sounds too demanding. "Try broaching the subject in a different setting where you can express your desires in a more relaxed way," says Em. "Cuddle up to him while watching a sexy scene on TV and whisper, 'I hope we'll try that tonight.'" He'll be receptive to your feedback, no matter when you offer it.

2. Act the part.
You're unlikely to suddenly transform into a tigress — but you can pretend to be one. "Even if it scares you, just do it — make the movements to get on top, pin him against the wall, whatever you'd like to do," says Em. "By simply going through the motions, taking charge will start to feel normal, and you'll be more confident for real."

3. Use a crutch.
Get help in the form of a sex manual, a book of erotica, or an online sex shop. "Flipping through a book or browsing a Website together can work as an icebreaker," says Em. "The images and the ideas you encounter will make it easy to point out what appeals to you without having to form the words for yourself." Plus, checking out hot-and-heavy material makes for great foreplay!

Your Most Secret Sex Question

Q: During sex, I often find myself getting distracted by my to-do list or work-related stuff. How do I keep these thoughts away?

A: It's completely normal to become distracted during sex from time to time, says REDBOOK Love Network expert Michele Weiner-Davis, author of the upcoming book The Sex-Starved Wife.

"When you find your mind wandering, simply notice the distracting thoughts without judgment, and then refocus on what's going on with you and your partner," says Weiner-Davis. "Get back to the sensual connection by paying attention to where you're touching each other and what feels good."

If you aren't feeling very stimulated — a possible reason for your drifting thoughts — communicate that information to your guy. "Don't expect him to be a mind reader," says Weiner-Davis. "Be proactive by changing your position or asking him to touch you in a different way."

Also, notice if sex at a certain time triggers this kind of distraction — maybe your mind is racing first thing in the morning, or you have trouble letting go of work stress at night. The fix might be as simple as having sex at a time that feels calmer for you.

Source @ MSN

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