8 People Who Will Ruin Your Party

Throwing a party is a lot of work, so it’s a real disappointment when somebody you invited ruins it. Here’s 8 types of people to watch out for before you make your next invite list.

8. Person Who Insists On Cleaning Up Your Party While It’s Still Going On

WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: Right in front of you, asking if your drink is finished. Or, methodically moving through the party with a white trash bag and a look on their face as if they’ve been hunting Osama Bin laden for the last 6 years and have narrowed down his whereabouts to somewhere in this party.

WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: Drinking a beer, much like sex, is far less enjoyable when someone is asking you if you’re finished every five minutes. It’s great that they want to help you clean up, but if you’ve decided to have a party, you’ve already resigned yourself to the fact that when it’s over, your house is going to probably look like the bathroom that Cary Elwes and Danny Glover woke up in, in the first Saw movie. I wonder if these people also decide to wipe their ass in the middle of taking a shit, just to “cut down on the work that has to be done when it’s all over!”

7. GUY WHO GETS WASTED IN THE FIRST HOUR

WHERE YOU WILL FIND HIM: Right by the fridge, bro, cause that’s where all the beer is!

HOW HE WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: From the moment this guy shows up, everything he says has an exclamation point at the end of it. “This party rules, dude!” “I am ready to party TO-night!” “Let’s shotgun these, bro!” “Tits!” Then, one hour and 13 beers later this guy is incoherent, weaving on his feet and saying stuff like “Paartyyyygjlskdvm…” So, instead of kicking back and hanging out with your friends, you have to spend the rest of the night making sure he doesn’t puke on your couch, piss in your plants or crap on your coffee table.

6. Person Who Only Knows You

WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: About two feet to the right of you, standing silently, staring at either you or the person you’re talking to.

WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: You invited them because during the four and a half minutes a day you talk to them at work, they seem pretty cool and/or really enjoy the impression you do of a fellow coworker. Except as soon as they get to your party, they tense up like Alex Rodriguez’s asshole during a game in October. You have two options at this point, 1) entertain them and include them in every conversation you have the entire night, like they’re your wife or husband even though you probably don’t know their last name, or 2) leave them on their own which leads to them standing in a corner by themselves, staring at you, causing your friends to ask you “I think that dude in the corner is planning on raping you.”

5. GIRL WHO STARTS CRYING

WHERE YOU WILL FIND HER: She’s usually holed up in the bathroom (taking up valuable toilet space) with three of her bestest girlfriends—all three of whom are overweight.

HOW SHE WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: The worst part is that this girl isn’t crying because her parents just died or she lost a limb. She’s sobbing into a fistful of tissues because she always needs to be the center of attention. If everyone’s not focused on her and all her problems, she just starts crying louder about her job or some lame guy who won’t date her or how fat her friends are. This means you either sit there and let her bring down the vibe of your party or you take her outside and listen to her whine about absolutely nothing. If possible, pair her up with the super wasted guy. She’ll think he’s listening and he’ll think he’s going to score.

4. Person Who Just Got Dumped By Their Girlfriend/Boyfriend

WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: In any corner where they were able to trap and force someone to listen to them talk about how they “don’t know what happened,” and how it “seemed like things were fine and then all of a sudden she just said that she thought that we were different people now. What does that even mean? Do you know, because I sure as fuck don’t! I just miss her so much. My name’s Brian by the way.”

WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: If I wanted people to get depressed as fuck at my party, I’d screen a copy of Schlindler’s list. The problem with these people is, they don’t care who they talk to, and no excuse you give will stop them from talking to you. “Hey, I gotta run to the bathroom,” “No worries, I’ll just wait for you until your done, unlike my EX girlfriend, who wouldn’t wait no matter HOW important it was to go to the bathroom and would just leave you with NOTHING while you were in there.”

3. Creepy Dude Who Tries To Bang Chicks At The Very End Of The Party

WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: Towards the end of the party, he’ll be wherever he hears the words “I can’t believe my friends left without me, they were my ride!” or “I’m so (hiccup) fucked up (hiccup) I gotta lay down or something.”

WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: There’s a reason why this dude waits till the end of the party to try and score; he’s way too fucking creepy to do so when someone isn’t in some sort of desperate situation. Thus, although he’s there because he’s either family, a neighbor, or someone else invited him, you now have to hope to God he doesn’t take advantage of someone at your party, otherwise your party will not be remembered as “That Fourth of July Party at Bill’s house,” and instead be remembered as “that party at Bill’s house where that creepy guy tried to fingerbang Michele while she was puking.”

2. Couple Who Brings Their Baby

COUPLE WHO BRING THEIR BABY: Off to the side, on their knees, pleading with a 6 month old child to stop screaming or right next to you, asking you where he can dispose of a shit filled diaper.

WHY THEY WILL RUIN THEIR PARTY: Nothing says party like the sound of a screaming child and the stench of talcum powder and baby diarrhea! If there was a dude puking, shitting and crying at your party, would you be cool with that? No, you’d either be like “Who the fuck brought this guy?” But if you say that about a baby suddenly that makes you an asshole. Meanwhile, the party sucks becase everyone is being super cautious and attentive to the baby, as if the other 99% of the time that they’re not there the baby is barely eluding death due to unsupervision.

1. THE POLITICS GUY

WHERE YOU WILL FIND HIM: At the beginning of the night he usually stands right next to the front door where he overtly shows off his political button or T-shirt that says something like “Once You Go Barack, You Won’t Go Back” or “McCain = McStupid.” Then, after everyone shows up, he stealthily mingles from group to group while nonchalantly dropping lines like “Did you see what those fatcats tried to pull?” anytime there’s a lull in the conversation.

HOW HE WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: No one in the history of parties has ever changed their political beliefs based on some asshole screaming about health care reform in the kitchen of a two bedroom apartment. His endlessly tiresome factoids and statistics about how much oil we consume and how the death penalty doesn’t work will make your guests either leave or kill themselves where they stand.

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BlackBerry Thunder 9500

The BlackBerry Thunder 9500 will run on a new Blackberry OS that's fully touch-centric and will sport an extra large touchscreen TFT display (it's not really a mere 2.5-incher, sorry folks, our bad!) with 360 x 480 pixels resolution. with 360 x 480 pixels resolution. Most importantly it will be a hybrid device, working in GSM and EV-DO networks supporting EDGE/HSDPA and built-in GPS.

Interestingly enough, those press-grade photos leak just days before the Apple iPhone 3G release in what seems to be a Blackberry PR attempt to dissuade some potential iPhone 3G customers.

And indeed, it looks like Apple iPhone 3G has got a tough competitor in the face of the BlackBerry Thunder. The latter will run a carrier music store which is similar to the iPhone's iTunes store and will allow users to purchase songs directly from their device.

Internet browsing on BlackBerry Thunder will be significantly improved to match the superb Safari browser in the iPhone. We hope the Thunder will also sport the sweet auto screen rotation feature as well - it's all about accelerometers these days.

The feature-rich device will probably run on the 624 MHz CPU known from the recently announced Blackberry Bold (gsmarena.com).

8 traits of a bad fitness instructor

Let's face it. If you are taking any type of fitness class, whether it be aerobics, body sculpting or yoga, there is a good chance you are there to learn, to be motivated and to get a good workout. As a result, you are probably looking for an instructor who will be a great teacher, fun and effective.

But you will be amazed at how many instructors aren't very good, or for that matter, aren't very inspiring. These are some traits that you should look for to know if the instructor is worthy of your time and money or if you are better off with someone else. If you take a class and find that you leave underwhelmed, there is a good chance that the instructor was lacking in one of these capacities...if not all of them.

1. Forgetful Freddy: Look, all of us can be forgetful at times, but if there is a pattern of forgetfullness on the part of your instructor, it is probably a clue that they aren't so great. Things that might suggest your instructor's mind might be somewhere else:
1. Your instructor has problems remembering where they are in routines during classes
2. You find that your instructor continually doesn't remember what they did the week before, even though they are 'adding' to last weeks's classes

2. Lopsided Lola: If your instructor works your body assymetrically (doesn't work both sides of your body equally) it can lead to possible injury and/or lopsided muscle development, especially if it happens class after class. This is not good in the long term. You want an instructor who works both sides of the body equally, and even more importantly, all muscle groups, ensuring that you don't over-develop any one muscle or muscle group.

3. Offbeat Olga: If you are in a structured class that requires you to follow a routine to up-tempo music you should be able to literally 'feel the rhythm'. If routines don't flow well, or if you feel like they are awkward, there is a good chance your instructor just doesn't know how to choreograph routines properly. Moreover, if moves aren't choreographed well, you might trip, fall or even pull or sprain a muscle due to the fact that your inner rhythm wants to do something different than what your instructor has taught you. Rhythm and flow of classes are important in maximizing your 'feel good' endorphins and motivation, as well as keeping exercises safe.

4. Sergeant Sam: Some people like to be told what to do or even like to be yelled at to do things, but in most cases, people want to be treated nicely. If your instructor has a drill sargent mentality and doesn't treat you with respect, then you shouldn't bless his class with your presence. Find an instructor with the personality that is right for you. A little 'tough love' isn't bad, but if it is all you get, that can be demotivating and leave you feeling stomped upon. Neither of which you need when trying to release stress.

5. Basic Barbara: From the beginning of taking an exercise class, your instructor and class should challenge you. Sure, basic moves are good and safe for beginners, but as you get used to a class and as you become more and more comfortable with the different exercises, routines or moves, you should progress and move forward. If your class isn't a specific level (e.g., beginner, intermediate or advanced), your instructor should show you modifications that make the moves more challenging or less challenging, depending on your individual level.

6. Fast and Furious Freda: The tempo of the music needs to be right for the class. For instance, if you are in a step class and the beats per minute are too fast, you will possibly injur yourself or fall. If you are in a class where the tempo is too slow for the exercises, you might not get an effective workout. Either way, there is a range of appropriate beats per minute for different types of classes. If you feel that the class is too fast or too slow, there is a good chance you are not alone. Politely ask your instructor to slow or speed up the music to meet your level of comfort.

7. Monotonous Mona: As an instructor, I know that it can be difficult to constantly create new choreography or exercises...sometimes you even burn out. That said, instructors are paid to motivate people and to be creative. It is their duty to make the class fun and interesting. If it isn't, then they aren't doing their job.

8. Lazy Larry: When you take an exercise class, you should feel challenged. Granted, different classes challenge you in different ways. For instance, if the class is meant to be a cardio or aerobic exercise class, your heart rate should fall within the target heart rate zone of exercise. If the class is more strength training oriented, you should feel 'the burn' in the muscles that you are working (it should 'hurt' a little to complete the set). And if the class is more flexibility training oriented, you should be able to stretch a little further every class. If within any of these class types you aren't working very hard or don't feel very challenged, you probably aren't. Find an instructor that makes you work for your money...that is what you are there for. You should feel that you have gotten something out of any and every class you go to.

So good luck finding your ideal instructor. They are out there...just be choosey. You owe it to yourself! (Yahoo! Shine)

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