5 Hal Yang Membedakan Hasrat Seksual Wanita dan Pria

Sudah bukan rahasia lagi kalau kaum pria sangat mudah terangsang secara seksual, kapan saja, dimana saja dan oleh siapa saja. Sementara wanita cenderung melibatkan emosi apakah ia ingin berhubungan seks dengan seorang pria atau tidak. Selain lebih mudah terangsang, perilaku seks pria lebih to the point dibandingkan wanita.

Berikut adalah 5 perbedaan mendasar seputar hasrat seksual kaum pria dan kaum wanita. Dengan memahami cara kerja hasrat seksual pasangan berlainan jenis, para ahli meyakini bahwa hubungan anda akan dibawa ke level hubungan yang lebih baik serta akan melahirkan saling pengertian antara satu sama lain.

1. Fantasi seksual pria lebih banyak dan lebih bervariasi.

Menurut penelitian seorang psikolog sosial dari Florida State University, Roy Baumeister, hasrat seksual pada pria bersifat spontan dab pria memiliki fantasi seks yang lebih bervariasi dibanding wanita. Mayoritas kaum pria yang masih berusia di bawah 60 tahun minimal akan memikirkan seks sekali dalam sehari. Wanita yang memikirkan seks setiap hari jumlahnya hanya seperempat dibandingkan pria. Seiring pertambahan usia akan terjadi pengurangan fantasi seks baik pada pria maupun wanita, namun tetap saja pria masih berfantasi seks minimal 2 kali dalam sehari.

2. Pria lebih aktif mencari pelampiasan hasrat seksualnya

Karena pria lebih membutuhkan seks dibanding wanita maka tidak tabu bagi pria untuk berhubungan seks di awal dan ditengah hubungan, bahkan meskipun ketika hubungan personal sudah berakhir. Keaktifan dalam mencari pasanganuntuk berhubungan seks tidak hanya terjadi pada pria heteroseksual saja namun juga pada pria homoseksual.  Dari penelitian Baumeister disimpulkan kalau kaum pria memiliki keinginan untuk mempunyai pasangan seks lebih dari satu dan mereka juga lebih menyukai hubungan yang bersifat kasual.

Karena kebutuhan seksnya yang tinggi sementara mencari pasangan seks juga tidak mudah, sebanyak dua dari tiga pria mengaku sering melakukan masturbasi untuk menekan gejolak nafsu seksual mereka. Sebaliknya hanya 40 persen dari wanita yang mengaku memilih jalan masturbasi sebagai pereda hasrat seksual dan itupun jarang dilakukan.

3. Wanita sulit dibangkitkan gairah seksualnya

Berbagai cara sering dilakukan kaum pria untuk membangkitkan gairah seksual pasangannya, padahal kaum wanita sendiri sering tidak tahu bagaimana membangkitkan gairah mereka sendiri.
Sebuah penelitian pernah dilakukan oleh Meredith Chivers dan kawan-kawan dari Northwestern University dimana sekelompok pria heteroseksual, sekelompok wanita heteroseksual dan sekelompok pria homoseksual diminta untuk menonton beberapa film porno. Hasilnya adalah : kelompok pria heteroseksual terangsang oleh adegan seks pria-wanita dan wanita-wanita sementara kelompok pria homoseksual terangsang oleh adegan seks sesama pria. Yang mengejutkan sekaligus membingungkan adalah hasil yang ditunjukkan oleh kelompok wanita heteroseksual dimana mereka terangsang oleh adegan seksual pria-wanita, wanita-wanita dan pria-pria.

Menurut J. Michael Bailey, seorang peneliti dari Northwestern University, pria lebih kaku dan spesifik tentang kepada siapa mereka jatuh cinta dan ingin berhubungan seks sementara wanita lebih terbuka dan tidak spesifik dalam menentukan dengan siapa mereka ingin melakukan hubungan seksual. Hal ini menunjukkan kalau wanita lebih memiliki kemungkinan ketertarikan sesama jenis dibanding kaum pria walaupun tidak semua wanita akan melakukannya.

4. Faktor lingkungan sosial dan budaya sangat mempengaruhi hasrat seksual wanita.

Baumeister menjelaskan dalam ulasannya bahwa keinginan dan perilaku seksual wanita sangat dipengaruhi oleh lingkungan. Contohnya, seorang wanita yang aktif mendatangi tempat ibadah akan cenderung lebih tertutup mengenai seks. Sebaliknya kaum pria cenderung menunjukkan perilaku tidak ada hubungannya antara hasrat seksual dengan sikap religius mereka.

Tingkat pendidikan yang lebih tinggi juga mempengaruhi wanita lebih cenderung untuk mempraktikan seks yang lebih bervariasi.

Sebuah teori mengatakan bahwa lemahnya hasrat seksual pada wanita dipengaruhi oleh pandangan sosial dimana kaum pria dianggap memiliki posisi yang lebih kuat dan merupakan pemimpin dalam masyarakat. Namun Laumann lebih memilih menggunakan pendekatan sosiobiologi dimana secara genetik wanita memang terprogram untuk lebih berhati-hati dan tidak mengumbar hasrat seksual mereka karena wanita akan menjadi pihak yang menanggung ‘beban’ dari hubungan seksual yaitu dengan kehamilan dan kewajiban untuk mengurus bayi yang dihasilkan dari hubungan seks.

Kepekaan wanita terhadap kualitas suatu hubungan disebabkan keinginan mereka untuk memiliki pasangan yang bersedia membantu dalam mengurus anak. Wanita juga cenderung memilih untuk berhubungan dengan pria yang mapan untuk mendukung keberadaan anak, terutama karena wanita akan memiliki gerak yang terbatas selama hamil dan ketika baru memiliki anak.

5. Gairah seksual wanita kurang responsif terhadap obat-obatan.

Gairah seksual pada pria lebih to the point karena otak dan hormonnya secara biologi sudah diciptakan demikian. Itulah kenapa ketika pria mengalami penurunan hasrat seksual atau terjadi masalah disfungsi akan lebih mudah diatasi hanya dengan menggunakan obat-obatan tertentu. Sedangkan wanita jika mengalami masalah seksual akan jauh lebih rumit dan biasanya berhubungan dengan masalah mental dan kejiwaan sehingga akan butuh waktu yang lebih lama serta perlu adanya pendekatan emosi untuk memecahkan masalahnya.

What Fashion experts say about Kate’s wedding dress

After months of speculation, The Dress was finally unveiled just before 6 a.m. ET. And the reviews are in. To get the fashion world’s reaction we caught up with European Editor at Large for Vogue, Hamish Bowles, and we sought the expert opinion of ELLE's Joe Zee, who took time off from his Sundance Channel show, All On The Line, to give us his initial take.

It’s a unanimous victory. Kate’s ivory and white satin gown with a sweetheart neckline and long-sleeved V-neck lace overlay has cemented Kate’s status as a fashion icon. By choosing Sarah Burton at Alexander McQueen, a quintessential British designer, she proved her allegiance to her country and her worth as a newly minted style star.

The look was fittingly dramatic but also refined and elegant. There was none of the flounce and girlishness of Diana’s gown. Kate reportedly did her own makeup and kept her gorgeous long hair half up and half down. In other words, she looked like herself. Her modest elbow-length veil was held in place by a Cartier “halo” tiara lent to her by the queen.

ELLE’s creative director, Joe Zee, likened Burton’s creation to Grace Kelly’s wedding gown, which also had a lace bodice and full skirt. Vogue’s Hamish Bowles, was thrilled with Kate’s choice. Fittingly, the Met’s Costume Institute gala on Monday honors the late Alexander McQueen. No doubt Kate’s dress will be much talked about evidence that his legacy continues.

Why Happiness Begins All over Again at 50

For those aged in their 30s and 40s feeling down in the dump, don’t worry - happiness is just around the corner. Economists have found that despite a mid-life dip, people start to feel more content with their life after the age of 50.

The ‘U-shaped’ happiness curve shows that being satisfied with life starts to fall while in the early 20s and does not improve until after 50, where it goes on to rise higher than before.

But despite those who are aged 65 or over generally believing it is nicer to be 25, they are happier than when they were at that age. The study has taken happiness survey answers from Britain, Switzerland and Germany and applied the findings to people’s life cycle.

Scientists have no explanation for the sudden rise after 50, but believe you are happier when you get older as you assume more wisdom and adapt to life aspirations. However, the middle-aged dip in happiness was also compared to that of losing a close relative or suddenly becoming unemployed.

The report by Bert Van Landeghem, which is being presented at the Royal Economic Society’s annual conference, concluded: ‘A U-shaped happiness curve does not necessarily imply that a 65 year old prefers his own life to the life of a 25-year-old.

Angelina Jolie shocking photos!

An Unauthorized Biography of Angelina Jolie by Andrew Morton’s contains more shockingly pictures of Angelina Jolie being undressed and the pics were taken in various positions.

Brad Pitt, whether he knows this or not, has not shown any kind of aggression so far. The not so called happy couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were seen often adopting child but less seen together as a happy couple.

The duo had mixed relations so far. Now that a new controversial pictures of Angelina Jolie to be hit the stores this Saturday, there will be a serious decision making process taken by both of them.

Angelina Jolie’s quick past: Angelina Jolie,aged 35, is considered among the top icons to have ever embraced the field of movies. The most admired actress is well known for her acting, boldness, se*y looks and the awards with her name on it.

Angelina Jolie fell in love with Brad pitt during the sets of Mr and Mrs Smith(2005). Though she continuously responded that she would never fall in love with a married man, she later admitted in the year 2006 that she indeed fall in love with Brad Pitt and was pregnant with his child.

Japanese couples say "I do" in divorce ceremonies

With divorce on the rise in Japan, some couples are choosing to celebrate the end of an unhappy marriage by saying "I do" for a final time at a divorce ceremony before friends and family.

Divorce ceremonies were pioneered about a year ago by a former salesman, Hiroki Terai, who set up a "divorce mansion" in a small undercover space in Tokyo.

Since then about 25 couples have each paid 55,000 yen ($606) to hold a ceremony with all the pomp and grandeur of a wedding that publicly ends their relationship before they officially file for divorce. Terai said he had received more than 900 inquiries.

The latest couple, who called themselves Mr. and Mrs. Fujii, met near Sensoji Temple in Tokyo's traditional Asakusa area on Sunday and rode in separate rickshaws to the "divorce mansion."

'Roxxxy' World’s First Sex Robot

Robot developers TrueCompanion showing Roxxxy this week, the world’s first sex robot. This robot for the first time shows its skill in the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas.

The idea of making the robot as a 'sleep companion' may indeed sound crazy. But TrueCompanion successfully implement it and develops a beautiful robot named Roxxxy. This humanoid robot doll designed to look like a porn star and has the ability to provide 'service' satisfaction for the owner.

"Roxxxy equipped with various programs in order to learn what is liked and not liked by her mate. She could hear, feel and speak like a real partner so Roxxxy can became a friend, a sleep companion," said creator of Roxxxy, Douglas Hines.

Sexy Roxxxy is available on the market with starting price from USD7.000 to USD9.000.

Earlier, in 1993 TrueCompanion had also created sex robot named Trudy. However, because of technological limitations at that time there was lots of users complain; she was too rigid and not smart enough to interact.

Roxxxy presence is expected to be the perfection of all shortcomings from its previous version. Roxxxy has approximately 158 cm tall and weighing approximately 54 kg.

Hines said that the owner of robots can also arrange Roxxxy’s personality types. There are five personality where owner can arrange, ranging from a calm and gentle, until the 'wild' personality. Interested?

Anger management everyone can practice

One of the ways used to manage anger is a method of distraction. When the heart is controlled by anger, just do things that can confiscate your concentration, like writing letters or doing tasks that are not yet settled. You can also listen to music, washing cars, cleaning houses, visiting malls to shopping activity.

For those who are aggressive, they can get over the anger through sports, or something like boxing. Provide sandbags as a target and pretend it to be the object of your anger is one powerful alternative. Meanwhile, cleaning up your house will help your mind to organize things, and the side result is neatly place.

Perhaps at first, it will turn out to be a bit difficult, because your heart and mind are still controlled by anger. But, do keep exercise. Let your concentration torn between doing something and thinking about the anger. After quite some time, you will get used to it and be aware that anger is just something natural that does not need the act of yelling, screaming or punching.

But, if one day you're really angry, the first step to remember is to take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Do it several times and always bear in mind that anger is always preceded by unconscious and ended with regret. So, if you want to be controlled by the consciousness, and do not want to experience regret, why should you angry?

Condoms Types and Sizes

Condoms are the only form of protection that can both help to stop the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as HIV and prevent pregnancy.

Condoms come in a variety of shapes. Most have a reservoir tip although some do have a plain tip. Condoms may be regular shaped (with straight sides), form fit (indented below the head of the penis), or they may be flared (wider over the head of the penis).

Ribbed condoms are textured with ribs or bumps, which can increase sensation for both partners. Condoms also come in a variety of colours.

It's up to you which shape you choose. All of the differences in shape are designed to suit different personal preferences and enhance pleasure. It is important to communicate with your partner to be sure that you are using condoms that satisfy both of you.

Some condoms are flavoured to make oral sex more enjoyable. They are also safe to use for penetrative sex as long as they have been tested and approved.

8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men

As always, men are more complicated than a lot of people give them credit for, and when it comes to turn-ons, the masculine gender has plenty of surprises up their metaphorical sleeve. Here, some of the ways to effectively rev the masculine engine:

1. Standing Tall

Don't get me wrong: it's not that we want a woman who can balance a beer tray on her head. It's what good posture says about her. A woman who stands tall typically a) dresses well, b) exercises often, and c) is confident about her body and what it's good for. And if she's proud of her figure no matter what shape or size, that makes men take notice, as well.

2. True Grit

Men know that women cry. Men know that women can get hurt. Men want to be there to help whenever they do. But there's something insanely attractive about women who can bite their lips, buck up, and grit out some of life's twists, turns, sprains, and pains.

Note: Before you throw e-daggers my way, I'm not suggesting that it's not OK to cry or that women shouldn't seek proper attention when they're in pain, either physically or emotionally. (Nor am I saying that lots of men don't need to heed this advice as well.) I'm simply saying we're often drawn to partners who can walk off life's minor insults.

3. Baseball Caps

When we were growing up, we used them to show our team allegiances. In college, we used them to hide bed head. Past the age of 30, we mainly wear them to cover our bald spots. But no matter what team we root for, we like a baseball cap the most when it's worn by a woman. The look sends all kinds of messages about the kind of woman she is: sporty, strong, comfortable kicking back, Sox fan. (All the better if it's a Cubs hat - she's an optimist with a great sense of humor.)

4. Software Savvy

Maybe it's a giant sexual metaphor, but women like men who know hardware, and men like women who know software. Show a guy a woman who knows her way around systems, networks, and connections, and he'll be dazzled by her smarts - and appreciate her talents.

There's something sexy about a woman who can click a few buttons and get something working exactly the way she wants it to. (That is, as long as the buttons she pushes aren't his.)

5. Sexy Shampoo

Men typically are stereotyped as needing visual cues to feel attraction. While it's true that men need their share of eye candy, they also are mightily turned on by the olfactory sweets, as well. Perfume and body lotion are nice and all, but the smell of her freshly washed hair that's nestled up under the chin on a Sunday morning is a reminder of all that's good about relationships.

6. Understated Underwear

Slinky and small lingerie works for anniversaries, birthday surprises, honeymoons, and other seduce-me moments. But the look that makes men feel both comfortable and excited is when she's wearing boxers (waistband rolled) and a thin-as-can-be T-shirt that's neither too tight nor too big. Call it supreme sexiness in the understated. The same effect can be achieved by wearing his old dress shirt and a pair of panties.

7. Dirt and Sweat

Of course, men like to see their women dolled up for a night out. But many men appreciate the exact opposite: The woman who hikes, bikes, mows the lawn, hacks trees and branches, and otherwise pulls her weight. Seeing the dirt, mud, sweat, and occasional road rash is something that stokes our primal side.

8. A Few "Duh" Moments

Men like smart women (see "software savvy," above). But there's a small part of a man's brain that wants her to have an occasional dollop of ditziness. Why? Because if she can show that she may not know everything, it reinforces something deep inside a man that he's needed, that he's trusted, that he can be there to help.

And it says that when we screw up on occasion (and we will, oh yes, we will), she'll understand. Hypercompetence is something we just can't compete with. And ultimately, this game isn't about competition, it's about crossing the finish line together.

From Friend to Boyfriend

How did I go from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone? Did I subliminally do some mind tricks to convince her that dating me would be a far better experience than the one she was having with her boyfriend? Absolutely not. What I did was I got to know her to get into the boyfriend zone.

Here are four tips to help you get a woman to look at you in a different way:

1.Don't sell yourself. If you meet and become friends with a woman who has a boyfriend, don't sell yourself to her at all. Get to know her over a period of time. If a woman is attracted to you as a person, she could become attracted to you as a significant other. It all depends on where she is in her life.
We all know that many relationships tend to "go south" and end. The problem is that a lot of single men will meet a woman who is in a relationship and decide not to befriend her at all. I'm not suggesting that you become the shoulder she comes to cry on when things are going wrong with her boyfriend. But you can get to know her as a person, because you never know where life may lead you down the road. So don't be a salesman, and don't berate her boyfriend. Be yourself. Have a good time with her, and see if natural chemistry develops between you. When you are genuine and take the time to get to know her as a person, she might start to look at you in a different light and end her relationship.

2. Don't be afraid to express yourself.
If you've already been friends for a long time and she's never thought about you in a romantic way, there's a good chance she'll never think of you romantically. The way so many guys get themselves into the eternal friend zone is that they play it too safe when they first meet a woman. They act in a very passive-aggressive way toward her. They are so afraid of expressing any indication of their romantic interest that they go out of their way not to express any feelings toward her at all. For example, instead of really asking the woman out on a date, they ask her to hang out in a group. You will always end up in the friend zone in this situation, because you have never asked her out on a real date. If you're interested in a woman, you need to ask her out so it's clear to her that you are interested.

3. Be patient. Stop thinking about immediate gratification all the time. Not every woman you meet today is going to want to go out with you tonight. Think of befriending women as building a portfolio of interesting people with whom you can get together in the future. You need to treat the single women you meet as long-term investments. Just enjoy getting to know her as a person right now, because you never know what may happen. Chemistry just might spark between the two of you.

4. Be direct. Don't ever ask a woman's friends to tell you about what she is thinking, and in particular do not ask them what she thinks about you. If you've got a crush on a female friend of yours, you need to call her and say, "You know what? I want to go out with you. You and I need to hang out alone." Make it clear to her that you want to go out on a date with her. It doesn't matter if she says yes or if she says no. It just matters that you take the chance.
You will define the relationship one way or another, and then you can move forward.

Dating takes a lot of patience and perseverance. The best things in life, in fact, tend to pay off when you have patience and perseverance. No one is ever completely successful the first time they do something.

Nigerian advises against 86 wives

Nigerian Mohammed Bello Abubakar, 84, has advised other men not to follow his example and marry 86 women. The former teacher and Muslim preacher, who lives in Niger State with his wives and at least 170 children, says he is able to cope only with the help of God.

"A man with 10 wives would collapse and die, but my own power is given by Allah. That is why I have been able to control 86 of them,". He says his wives have sought him out because of his reputation as a healer. "I don't go looking for them, they come to me. I will consider the fact that God has asked me to do it and I will just marry them." But such claims have alienated the Islamic authorities in Nigeria, who have branded his family a cult.

Most Muslim scholars agree that a man is allowed to have four wives, as long as he can treat them equally. But Mr Bello Abubakar says there is no punishment stated in the Koran for having more than four wives.

"To my understanding the Koran does not place a limit and it is up to what your own power, your own endowment and ability allows," he says. "God did not say what the punishment should be for a man who has more than four wives, but he was specific about the punishment for fornication and adultery."

Source @ bbc news

8 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

According to Peggy Vaughan, the author of "The Monogamy Myth," 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage. In other words, the person who stays monogamous within her marriage is among a growing minority.

The following are some tips for how to make marriage absolutely affair-proof.

1. Nurture Safe Friendships:

This is the most important affair-preventer in my life.
“No marriage can give you everything.” No marriage can give you everything. A husband is going to have interests that his wife will never care about like fishing, hunting, or golfing. So he's less likely to stray if he can find some good guy buddies with whom to fish, hunt, and golf.

2. Recognize the Drug:

Depressives and addicts are especially prone to affairs because of the head rush that comes with infatuation. The spikes in dopamine and norepinephrine we experience upon connecting with someone new fools us into thinking that the sexy man or attractive woman at the bar holds the key to our nirvana and the end to our problems. This is the same as, say, the high from cocaine. Recognizing that that rush is not real, meaningful, or lasting, can help a married person to "just say no."

3. Keep Dating:

It is a serious business here. Visiting with your spouse with some regularity--just the two of you and no one else--will bring some very definite rewards to a marriage. By dating, you will learn how to talk to each other again.

4. Find a Creative Outlet:

People get lured into emotional and physical affairs because the infatuation provides an exciting, stimulating place where they are energized. So to stay affair-proof, you have to find other sources of stimulation and excitement.

5. Hang Out with Happy Couples:

If you're hanging with a bunch of guys (or girls) that see nothing wrong with sleeping around, you are much more likely to do it yourself. The good news is that the opposite is also true. If you have a set of friends committed to their marriages, you will be less likely to cheat on your spouse.

6. Learn How to Fight:

Wait before saying something really ugly, and make sure you weren't tired or hungry, or in a stressful situation. I'm not saying that you can't confront your spouse if you're tired, hungry, or stressed, because then we'd live in a silent world. But, it's a good idea to recognize situations that tend to accelerate arguments.

7. Be Nice and Listen:

"Duh," you're saying to yourself. But think about it. This is the hardest part about marriage. Listening. Keeping your mouth closed when the other person is talking.
In my conversations with men and women who have had affairs, the number one reason for pursuing the affair was this: "She listened to me. I mattered to him."

8. Remember These Tools:

Never forget that you have a toolbox of resources to draw on when you feel tempted by an extramarital affair. Here are some tools offered to me by those healing from affairs, insights to keep in mind when you feel that familiar head rush and are tempted to abandon logic for a thrill:

# Don't go there: Don't put yourself in a threatening situation. Skip the conference in Hawaii with the colleague who flirts with you. If you absolutely have to go, avoid all opportunities to be alone with him.

# You've got mail: When you don't know if your email crosses the line into appropriate language, send it to yourself first. Read it again, and ask yourself: would I feel comfortable showing this to my husband?

# Dress with intentions: One woman told me that she saved her lingerie for her husband, and wore the ratty old underwear to the high-school reunion where she'd see a flame from the past.

# Talk about your spouse: A guy friend told me that whenever he is alone with a woman he finds attractive and things are getting uncomfortable, he'll start talking about his wife--what her hobbies are, and how much he loves her. It immediately kills the mood.

6 Secret Ways to Turn Her On

She's got her eye on you -- and these small gestures will awaken desires she never knew she had

Rest assured, every woman wants to be seduced.
We just don't like guys who go for the seduction jugular: the champagne, the Barry White, the walk on the beach. A man who has tried one of these, or, God forbid, all of them at once, is a man who knows well the face of humiliation and failure.

No, the key to turning her on for sex is not to advertise how much you want her, but, rather, to quietly make clear why she should want you. When it comes to sex, in other words, you don't need a billboard--you need sneaky subliminal messages.

They used to use tricks like these to sell more Coke at the movies. Now you can use them to get more women.

1. Ditch the cell.
(Wait. You'd better not be wearing one, because if you are, you're a walking seduction-free zone. This includes beepers.) First of all, women are very serious about our schedules, and if we've set aside time to spend with you, we're not keen on sharing it with your free minutes. Second, when chatting on the phone, you can't help but reveal some of the ins and outs of your work or private life, and that kind of openness is girly, creepy, and not sexy.

But here's the biggest problem: Any guy who can't go 2 hours without checking in with his friends, his job, his family, comes across as desperately insecure. Go ahead and actually turn it off in front of her. She will recognize you as the man who is comfortable and at peace with what's in front of him, and thank her stars you're not the guy who's always wondering what and who is next.

Watch out: Putting your phone on vibrate and repeatedly checking to see who's calling without answering not only is not seductive, but also shows you're kind of an arrogant jerk.

2. Fix something.
Men fixing broken things--light switches, toasters, clogged toilets--is a tradition that dates back to, well, a time when men did things besides nod, point, and hand other men their debit cards. We know that you probably can't gap your points or replace the alternator in your Hyundai. But with a little practice, and some very basic, moron-friendly manuals, you can do plenty of other tasks that would establish you as a Competent Male. If you're going to do this, though, try to do it in her presence. And it's okay, even advisable, to swear if you can't find the right tools, as long as you don't complain.

Danger zone: Don't get dirt on your face unless you're doing something fairly complicated. There's a fine line between looking manly and looking like a doofus with dirt on his face.

3. Read a book.
Allow me to interrupt that thrilling game of Ghost Recon to pose the following question: Do you have any idea of the mass quantity of ass you could get just by reading one book? Women read a lot, and, like pretty much everything else we do, we like to talk about it. Only we can rarely talk about it with guys, because, well, many of you (although not necessarily you personally) are Neanderthals growing slowly illiterate in front of an Xbox. But imagine yourself talking to a pretty woman, and she mentions that she's reading a book, and you've actually read it, too! So if this pretty woman thought you were cute, now she thinks you're smart, too.

Also: Reading in public is a great way to give women an excuse to talk to you.

4. Replace the bottles on the office watercooler.
Modern life, what with its dearth of catapults, marauding wolves, and barn raisings, doesn't provide men with many opportunities to show off their brute strength. It's a very lucky accident that in the midst of all this ease-making progress, we've managed to poison our drinking-water supply.

And since somebody has to replace those unwieldy 5-gallon plastic containers on the office cooler, it might as well be you. It's such a quick, easy way to make the chicks in the office sit up and take notice of your athletic prowess. You know those bottles aren't that heavy, but who cares, because women think they are, Hercules.

Alternative: If you don't have a watercooler in your office, be the first to offer your man power when a stalled or stuck-in-the-snow car needs a push. You want to make your point and then get back to work. There's a reason they call it "the strong, silent type."

5. Write e-mails that are more than five syllables long.
If you're dating a woman, really like her, and yet insist on writing her e-mails that read "ok cu later," you are such an idiot that I don't even know why I'm trying to help you. Men are all about keeping things short and to the point. And when it comes to business correspondence or letting your friends know where you're watching the Dolphins game, that's fine. But short and to the point, in chick world, translates into BORING and UNIMAGINATIVE and--the worst sin of all--UNINTERESTED.

You don't have to get all Cyrano de Bergerac on her ass. But an interesting sentence or two, please, is so easy and so, so point scoring. Examples? She writes, "How was your night?" DO NOT write back, "It was okay." Even if all you did was drink two beers and watch CSI, have something to say. Like, "Do you think real female forensic investigators all wear those low-cut pants?" Just some evidence, please, that you are a living, breathing, thinking human being who doesn't spend all his time away from her staring at a wall. Because that's the image "It was okay" evokes.

Oh, and: "It was okay, how was yours?" is not an improvement over "It was okay." Cop-out is written all over it.

6. Disagree with her.
I have a friend, Nancy, who is extremely beautiful. She is the sort of woman for whom men will do just about anything. She sort of knows this, so she has a tendency to test the limits of their patience and generosity. One day, she was going on and on to her boyfriend about something he had done wrong. He apologized. He apologized twice. And she still went on and on. Finally, he looked right at her, at her perfect arms crossed self-righteously across her perfect breasts as her perfect mouth issued forth criticism after criticism, and said, "Would you please shut the fu-- up?"

She made passionate love to him thereafter and, basically, hasn't stopped since. We're not saying you should shoot down all our complaints by dropping f-bombs, but appeasement isn't always your best move, especially when we've gotten out of hand.

Source : Men'sHealth

Make her seduce you!

We wish every woman treated sex as if it were a Jason Statham movie -- nonstop action, lots of screams, 20 explosions per minute. If you feel the same way, maybe it's time you traded in your silent partner for someone a bit more adventurous. Someone who knows enough sex tricks to write her own HBO series. Follow our advice and you won't have to look far. She's sleeping next to you. Yeah, that's right, the very same woman in the long flannel nightgown, who nodded off during The Office at 8:30. Well, it's time for a wake-up call.

PROBLEM: She initiates sex about as often as Libya initiates peace
While one survey showed that nearly two-thirds of women say they initiate sex at least sometimes, the bad news is that she counts occasional hair-flipping as initiation. At least once every few weeks, it'd be nice to have our shirts torn apart by someone other than the dry cleaner.

SOLUTION: Buy her new shoes
It works two ways. One, you're playing into her idea of foreplay: Doing something terribly nice and out of the ordinary makes her want you more. And, even more important, it gives you the chance to work all of those sensitive nerve endings in her feet. When you check her for fit, linger around the tips of her toes. Don't be surprised if she kicks off her shoes as soon as you get home.

PROBLEM: She hides her body under sheets, pillows, and you
You've spent your life imagining your body next to airbrushed babes from beer commercials. She's spent the same time comparing herself with them. If she doesn't like to reveal flesh, it's probably because she's not comfortable showing it off to you.

SOLUTION: Stop telling her how much you love her legs
Women are weird this way. "If you say something nice about her breasts, she'll just wonder why you don't like her butt," says Pamela Regan, Ph.D., a psychologist at California State University in Los Angeles. Go for general compliments. Tell her, "Your body is incredible."

PROBLEM: Your bedroom sounds like high-school detention -- silence, with maybe a few giggles
Men love it when women moan, scream, and pant. It makes it sound -- to the flight attendants, anyway -- as if we know what we're doing.

SOLUTION: Create chaos
If she's quiet, it's probably because she's afraid of waking the guards. So create background noise to make her feel relaxed -- run the dishwasher, have sex in the shower, drop a CD. You can even sing a little: When you're giving her oral sex, hum along. The low vibrations from your vocal cords will feel incredible to her. Press firmly with your lips; that's where you'll generate the most vibration.

Source : Men'sHealth!

How Lying, Flirting (with Someone Else!) & Fighting Can Make You Closer

Raise your hand if you've ever gotten into a stupid fight with your guy and stormed off in a huff. Or if you get a secret rush from flirting with a cute waiter, even though you adore your husband. Or if you occasionally tell your guy blatantly untrue things, like, "Sure, I think your bald spot is sexy!"

Sound familiar? Fighting, flirting, fibbing — these are all habits that conventional wisdom says are big, fat no-no's in a relationship. But guess what: Everyone does this stuff sometimes — yes, even that couple you know who looks so perfect from the outside. And here's the really good news: A lot of supposedly bad love habits not only aren't bad for you, they just might do your long-term bond a whole lot of good. Read on to learn how these five love fouls can actually make your relationship stronger, closer, and better than ever.

Flirting
t's dangerous, it's wrong — it's the gateway act to cheating. In fact, to some, it is cheating. But the truth is, a little innocent flirting with someone other than your steady can have serious relationship benefits.

First of all, the ego boost you get from flirting with someone new can make you feel as sexy as you did when you and your guy first got together. "Over time, couples get so used to each other, they become complacent," says Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a psychologist in Los Angeles. "Flirting with other people brings out the 'Wow!' factor again. It reignites your sexiness and boosts your confidence." The key is that you share the benefits: "You can take that sexy energy home to your husband and use it in the bedroom," says Thomas.

What's more, if your guy bears witness to another man showing some flirtatious interest in you now and then, that's not always a bad thing. "A little jealousy is like a wake-up call," says Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of When the Honeymoon Is Over: Why Some Marriages Succeed and Others Fail. "It reminds you of how lucky you are to have what you have."

IBut when does innocent flirting cross the line? Thomas's rule: If you wouldn't do it with your partner present — whether because you think it would embarrass him or because it would cross trust boundaries — don't do it when he's not. And when you do flirt, be honest with yourself about what's behind it: If you find yourself constantly looking forward to flirting with the handsome neighbor you see on your evening jog, you could be sprinting toward trouble.

"Flirting is just part of my DNA and my husband knows it," says Heather, 31, a mother of one in Georgia. "For me, what makes it okay is the intention behind it and what is in my heart. I know my husband is the greatest man and father in the world, and I feel infinitely blessed to have him in my life. Knowing this, I don't feel ashamed to let the flirt in me out every now and then."

Being Selfish
Compromise doesn't mean finding the exact middle ground in every single situation.

If there's one piece of relationship wisdom we hear over and over, it's compromise, compromise, compromise. So how can being selfish possibly be good? Here's the key: Compromise doesn't mean finding the exact middle ground in every situation. "Compromise can also mean that this time, you do it 100 percent your way, and next time, you do it 100 percent his way," says Thomas. And it's the doing it your way you should stop feeling bad about.

"Couples think that both partners should give the same amount," says relationship coach Susan Page, author of Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage. "The problem is, you have no control over what your partner gives." Yes, in an ideal world, you're each giving the other just what's needed: You cede the remote on Monday nights; he hands over the arts pages on Sunday mornings. But many of the big and small needs we have aren't always obvious, and your man can't read your mind. That's why pinning your happiness on whether or not he gives you what you need when you need it — be it a compliment, time alone, affection that doesn't have to lead to sex, or even a sink that doesn't drip anymore — well, that's a recipe for frustration and resentment, no matter how much love and how many good intentions you both have.

So instead of waiting for him to give you what you need every time, get a little grabby now and then. "Doing some taking as well as giving," says Page, "is a way for you to keep your relationship perfectly balanced." No, we're not talking about blowing the kids' college funds on a trip to Vegas. We're talking about small gestures that make a big difference to you. If he's stuck at the office when you want to go to your friend's birthday dinner, don't wait for him — just go. If you haven't been getting to watch your own shows lately, TiVo his and tell him he's going to have to wait an hour tonight. If he still hasn't fixed the sink, just hire a plumber already. Don't feel guilty about choosing to put yourself first at moments like these. Taking things for yourself will make you feel satisfied with what you've got, instead of leaving you brewing and stewing over what you're not getting from him. And that'll make you a happier, more loving partner in the long run.

Arguing
Arguing is actually one of the healthiest things you and your guy can do for your relationship.

It's true that nonstop battling isn't great for your love. (See the movie The War of the Roses.) And some couples are so worried about the possible negative effects of arguing — Are we tearing apart our bond? Does it mean we're not meant to be? — that they pride themselves on never arguing. But here's a surprise: Never fighting can be just as bad as constant conflict. In fact, arguing is one of the healthiest things you and your guy can do.

Think of fighting as relationship Drano: Once in a while you have to clean out the pipes. Sure, it gets ugly, but afterward, things flow more smoothly. If, on the other hand, you stuff your anger, it eventually builds up so much that it can sabotage your entire relationship. "We are not clones of one another," says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., a Chicago marital therapist and author of Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map. "It is inevitable that we will disagree from time to time. So either you verbalize your disagreement, or you don't verbalize it and you harbor resentment, which eventually tears you apart."

Executed correctly, a fight can even be a tool to advance your cause as a couple. "Arguing doesn't always lead to a consensus," says Huston, "but it's useful to your relationship because it can lead to a clarification of your differences and a solution on how to move past them together." Just remember the "right" way to fight: "The key to a good argument is that you can disagree all you want, but you still show respect to your partner," says Huston. Stacks and stacks of research have shown that partners who use arguments as an opportunity to criticize each other or show contempt (by, say, rolling their eyes) are far more likely to separate or divorce.

"Here's the golden rule I tell my clients about fighting," says REDBOOK Love Network expert Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. "You should only talk about the problem long enough that you both understand what the problem is. Then start working on the solution."

WALKING AWAY ANGRY

Okay, so you're having a "healthy" argument with your guy, and things have gotten superheated. You're getting angrier, your voice is getting louder, and you're saying the same things over and over in an attempt to hammer home your point. Stop and walk away, now. When the fight reaches that fevered pitch, you experience an increased heart rate and a surge in stress hormones, a phenomenon REDBOOK Love Network expert John Gottman, Ph.D., has dubbed "flooding." "Flooding is a physiological response to the stress of an argument that sends your body into fight-or-flight mode," explains Tessina. "The emotional side of your brain is so aroused that it overtakes your logical side, and you're no longer capable of being productive in the fight."

When either of you is flooded, the fight can stray onto ground that isn't just off-topic, but destructive. "Once couples open the floodgates, they start bringing up things that happened years ago, tapping into old feelings of pain and hurt," says Thomas. "It's in these moments of fury that you blurt out hurtful things you would never say in a calm, clear state of mind."

To avoid saying or doing something you might regret, recognize when you're getting flooded and take a time-out. And since flooding is more typical in men, according to Gottman's research, if you sense that your guy is losing it first, you might use your less-flooded female mind to suggest the time-out yourself.

"My husband is so bullheaded that we'll get to a point in an argument where nothing is being accomplished, and we're getting madder and madder," says Jennifer, 33, a mother of one from New Jersey. "I finally started telling him I needed a break, and I leave the house for an hour. When I come back, he's always much calmer and he actually listens to my side."

If your fights often escalate quickly, try establishing a cease-fire code. "Make a rule that if one of you makes the time-out hand signal, you'll just stop fighting, no questions asked, and step back until you've both calmed down," suggests Tessina. If it's late at night and you think you're better off sleeping, do that. Yep, you heard us right: Sometimes you should just go to bed angry.

One caveat: When you walk away from a fight, don't walk away for good. "The problem for most couples isn't that their fights are too long, but that they're too short," explains Hamburg. "They walk away from the fight because they're worked up, but then abort the fight altogether because it makes them uncomfortable to restart." Make a commitment that you will discuss the issue again when you both have clearer heads.

LYING

Sometimes telling a little white lie is easier than telling the truth. But watch out for lies that keep things smooth now but lay minefields that could explode later.

"No, of course your haircut doesn't make you look like Pee-wee Herman." "I love your mother's tuna casserole." "My ex? Oh, he was terrible in bed." Yes, sometimes telling a little white lie is just easier than telling the truth. And you shouldn't feel too guilty over the occasional fib — when it comes to love, honesty really isn't always the best policy.

Let's say your husband meets your new six foot-tall, blue-eyed, former-model coworker Brian at a company party. "Do you find that guy attractive?" he asks on the way home. What should you say? "Sometimes the subtext of a question is more important than the question itself," says Huston. In this case, what your guy may really be asking is, "Do you still love me and do I need to be worried about our relationship?" That's an easy one, right?

Next, ask yourself, Who am I protecting? If a lie would mean protecting yourself and your attraction to Brian, it's unhealthy. If, on the other hand, you're protecting your husband's feelings and want him to feel assured of your love, it's not only understandable to say, "Brian? Ugh, he's boring," it may actually be more truthful than if you said, "Sure, I think he's gorgeous — who wouldn't?" "A white lie is beneficial if it is preserving honorable feelings within your relationship — in this case, that you love your husband and would never betray him," says Thomas. "You're lying to uphold a greater truth for a greater good."

Just watch out for lies that keep things smooth now but lay minefields that could explode later. For example, "It's not okay if you're lying to avoid a confrontation that needs to happen," says Tessina, or if not knowing the truth will harm your partner — like if you lie about your personal spending when you and your husband are on a tight budget and saving to buy a house. "Sooner or later the truth will come out," says Tessina. "Not only will the problem be exposed, but the deception will be too, and the deception is the worst part. That's what makes your partner wonder, How can I ever trust you again?" Think about what your partner deserves to hear and "do right by him," says Thomas. If that means saying his beer gut has never looked better, then smile and fib away!



Source @ RedBook

8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage

The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths we all face after we walk down the aisle — and how they teach us about what love really means.

"...And they lived happily ever after." You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick — and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there.

Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.

That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for.

Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills.

That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.

Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naiveté, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths — and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done — it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself — or him — on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).

Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself — let the emotions settle a bit — and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. You will go without sex — sometimes for a long time — and that's okay.

There are few men in the Western world sexier than my husband. And I don't say this because I know he may read this article. I've seen women checking him out when they think I'm not looking. (Honestly, ladies, you don't have to sneak a peek. I don't mind if you stare.) That said, there are times that I just don't feel like having sex — often for reasons that have nothing to do with Genoveso. (See? Even his name is sexy.) I can't lie and say this is always okay with him. But the fact is, there are also plenty of nights when he's not in the mood. So maybe a few days go by when we don't do it. And then a few more. And....

Sexless periods are a natural part of married life. A dry spell isn't a sign that you've lost your mojo or that you'll never have sex again. It just means that maybe this week, sleep is more important than sex. (I don't know about you, but between work, 3 a.m. feedings, the PTA, soccer, T-ball, and everything else, I sometimes crave sleep the way a pimply, hormonal adolescent longs to cop a feel.)

And don't kid yourself; no one in America is doing it as often as popular culture would have you believe. Instead of worrying about how much you think you "should" be having sex, keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm. "I used to think, What's happened to us? We always used to be in the mood," says 35-year-old Kim Henderson of Oakland, CA, who's been married for five years. "Now I know better. Life happens. My husband just started a new job. He has a long commute, and we have two small children. I think we're good."

The key is to make sure that even if you're not doing "it," you're still doing something-touching, kissing, hugging. Personally, my heart gets warm and mushy when my husband rubs my feet after a long, tiring day. He may not be anywhere near my G-spot, but that little bit of touch and attention keeps us connected even when we're not having spine-tingling sex.

Source @ MSN