Just because you fantasize about sex atop the Eiffel Tower doesn't mean you want to get arrested in Paris. So what are you really lusting after? Sex therapist and REDBOOK Love Network expert Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of The Passion Prescription, interprets some common sexual fantasies and offers tips for how to (safely!) bring them to life in a bedroom near you.YOUR FANTASY: Sex in public
"Imagining an audience that's lusting after your own sexual excitement is empowering," says Berman. "Plus, the idea of having sex in an off-limits place is titillating because of the forbidden factor." Incorporate a little exhibitionism into your sex life by making out passionately with your partner in public or slipping into the bathroom during a party for some surreptitious everything-but. At home, share with him your thoughts of being watched, or just imagine there are peepers present for your private party.
YOUR FANTASY: Experimenting with another woman
"It's fun and natural to embrace the fluidity of your sexual interest by imagining becoming sexual with another woman," says Berman. Just sharing these thoughts with your partner can spice things up, but to go beyond that, Berman suggests spotting women you're attracted to while out and telling your partner what intrigues you about them. Hang on to these visuals for when you're back at home in bed.YOUR FANTASY: Handcuffs and whips
Bondage scenarios are often about power, says Berman. "It's thrilling to think about being tied up and at your partner's mercy — where your only option is to receive pleasure, without responsibility, guilt, or self-consciousness," she explains. "And for those who imagine playing dominatrix, it can be exciting to envision taking total control." Even if you're not ready for whips and chains, try tipping the balance of power in bed: One partner can blindfold the other or tie his or her wrists together with a silk scarf. Or trade off being completely in charge — first your partner does everything you say, then next time you do his bidding.
YOUR FANTASY: A threesome
"Imagining a three-way scenario allows you to mix up your sex life with someone new, without actually cheating," says Berman. "And monogamy can be a real challenge for any long-term relationship." You can enjoy this fantasy on your own during masturbation or share it with your partner. "You or your guy can pretend there's a third person present, then narrate the imagined scenario," says Berman. A few things to explore: Imagine being serviced by your husband plus another man, with all attention on you; or identify potential thirds when you're out together, then take those images back into the bedroom.
YOUR FANTASY: Sex with a stranger
"The idea of being with a stranger is exciting because it's a clean-slate, no-complications situation," says Berman. "You can allow yourself to really let loose when fantasizing about sex with someone you're never going to see again." You and your man can become strangers to each other by role-playing. "Head separately to the same bar and then have fun flirting and picking each other up as if you've never met before," says Berman. "When it comes time to go 'home' together, try taking the party to the bar's bathroom or to a hotel — anywhere but where you usually make love." Take it up a notch by wearing disguises or trying on pretend personalities to really become unknown to each other — and to yourselves. Stepping back and looking at your man as if for the first time is also a great way to rediscover the heat that originally brought you two together.
YOUR STEAMY DAYDREAM?
REDBOOK readers share just how wild their imaginations can get.
"When I'm on my own, I fantasize about being intimate with another woman. Together, my husband and I talk through what it would be like to have a threesome — our descriptions really turn us on."
—Katherine Becker, 31 Chandler, AZ
"I dream about having sex on the beach. Sex in public seems so adventurous, and hearing the roar of the waves in the background would be sexy and special."
—Stefanie Schmidt, 29 Las Vegas
"I think about a teacher I had a crush on in high school. I'm a schoolgirl again and we're alone in his room. He compliments my perfume and things escalate from there!"
—Barbara Stanley, 52 Blairsville, GA
"I fantasize about being seduced by one of the hot guys on General Hospital. He meets me in a candlelit room, and as soft music plays in the background, he undresses me slowly and then makes love to me."
—Destiny Eve Pifer, 25 Bedford, PA
"I think about a 22-year-old cabana boy who works at my beach club. He's tall, tan, and extremely good-looking, and he struts around the pool area wearing next to nothing. Let's just say I've gotten quite the fodder for my daydreams!"
—Suzanne Coppersmith, 43 East Rockaway, NY
"In my fantasy, I imagine myself in a thong, Manolo stilettos, and a couple of yards of diamonds dripping down to my tanned navel, parading around an ultrachic beach in Saint-Tropez. A billionaire picks me up, licks Cristal off of my hot, wet body, and then makes savage, wild love to me."
—Gerri Ward, 45, Detroit
"Whipped cream and chocolate syrup — plain and simple!"
—Kristi Zieger, 39 Yakima, WA
LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH: Having sex with a current partner is the number one fantasy for both men and women.
WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT: Sex pops into women's brains an average of 4.5 times per day, according to a study of college students.
Source @ MSN
