Friday, January 4, 2008

Flirting Tips

FlirtingSome tips which attendees offered on flirting (aka "casual conversation with a romantic spark") were:
  • Ask specific, open-ended questions of the person you're flirting with; these demonstrate that you're interested specifically in THEM as a person, and also provide an opportunity for the discussion to take a romantic turn.
  • Look for humor in what the person you're flirting with is saying.
  • Try to look your best, and use good posture and eye contact.
  • Don't follow people around or act needy.
  • Don't be insincere.

The topic of rejection came up. The key thing to understand about rejection seemed to be that "everybody gets rejected once in a while." A related idea was that if you never risk rejection it's likely your social life will end up being very dull. It was also mentioned that the range of tastes in body type and personality type is enormous; something that you think is a liability is for some people almost certainly a turn-on.

The question came up of how to tell if someone is interested in you. The following were mentioned as clues, especially when observed together:

  • If he or she is acting more flirtatious toward you than toward other people at the same event.
  • If his or her friends are paying attention to you when he or she isn't around (often a clue that this person talked to his or her friends about you).
  • If he or she is smiling while listening to you, and seems to be listening especially "actively."

There's a lot of crossover between good listening skills and good flirting skills.

One attendee shared some interesting ideas on the importance of "validating what the other person wants to be." This means looking for specific ways in which how someone thinks of themself as unique and valuable is consistent with their actual behavior and history.

Asking questions that are "almost too personal" was also brought up. The idea is that humans progress to greater levels of intimacy by sharing vulnerabilities, and that if someone is interested in you they are unlikely to turn down the chance to make the conversation more personal (unless you REALLY push the envelope, obviously...)

The importance of giving sincere complements was mentioned more than once.

Social networks usually expand by cultivating friendships which are serious enough for your new friends to introduce you to their friends. For this reason, activities that allow prolonged contact with other people are valuable.

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